nsfw.js

   1 const pseudoRandom = require("pseudo-random")
   2 const google_images = require("free-google-images")
   3 const common = require("./common.js")
   4
   5 const asciiGenital = (id, begin, middle, ending) =>
   6         begin + middle.repeat(2 + Math.floor(pseudoRandom(id).random() * (10 - 2 + 1))) + ending
   7
   8 const asciiDick = id => asciiGenital(id + 1, "8", "=", "D")
   9 const asciiBoob = id => asciiGenital(id + 2, "E", "Ξ", "3")
  10
  11 module.exports = {
  12         dicksize: {
  13                 params: "[<player>]",
  14                 help: "Display the size of your own or another users's dick",
  15                 func: (msg, [targetPing]) => {
  16                         const target = targetPing ? common.getPing(msg, targetPing, true) : msg.author.id
  17
  18                         if (target)
  19                                 msg.reply(`${asciiDick(target)}    ← <@!${target}>'s Dick'`)
  20                 }
  21         },
  22         boobsize: {
  23                 params: "[<player>]",
  24                 help: "Display the size of your own or another users's boobs",
  25                 func: (msg, [targetPing]) => {
  26                         const target = targetPing ? common.getPing(msg, targetPing, true) : msg.author.id
  27
  28                         if (target)
  29                                 msg.reply(`${asciiBoob(target)}    ← <@!${target}>'s Boobs'`)
  30                 }
  31         },
  32         smellfeet: common.requestCommand("smell another user's feet", "wants to smell your feet", _ => {},
  33                 (msg, origin) => google_images.searchRandom("feet")
  34                         .then(result => msg.channel.send(`<@!${origin}> is smelling <@!${msg.author.id}>'s feet. They are kinda stinky!\n${result.image.url}`))
  35         ),
  36         blowjob: common.requestCommand("suck another user's dick", "wants to suck your dick", _ => {},
  37                 (msg, origin) => google_images.searchRandom("blowjob+meme")
  38                         .then(result => msg.channel.send(`<@!${origin}> is sucking <@!${msg.author.id}>'s cock. ${asciiDick(msg.author.id)} ˣoˣ \n${result.image.url}`))
  39         ),
  40         sex: common.requestCommand("have sex with another user", "wants to fuck you", _ => {},
  41                 (msg, origin) => google_images.searchRandom("sex+meme")
  42                         .then(result => msg.channel.send(`<@!${origin}> and <@!${msg.author.id}> are having sex! OwO.\n${result.image.url}`))
  43         ),
  44         cum: {
  45                 help: "Ejaculate.",
  46                 func: msg => google_images.searchRandom("cum+meme")
  47                         .then(result => msg.channel.send(`<@!${msg.author.id}> is cumming: ${asciiDick(msg.author.id)}${"~".repeat(1 + Math.floor(Math.random() * 10))}\n${result.image.url}`))
  48         },
  49 }