--- /dev/null
+Dr. Strangelove: or, How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb
+
+Fade in: Slow track over dense cloud cover. Rocky peaks visible in the
+distance.
+
+Wildtrack:
+
+For more than a year, ominous rumors have been privately circulating
+among high level western leaders, that the Soviet Union had been at
+work on what was darkly hinted to be the ultimate weapon, a doomsday
+device. Intelligence sources traced the site of the top secret Russian
+project to the perpetually fog shrouded wasteland below the arctic
+peaks of the Zokov islands. What they were building, or why it should
+be located in a such a remote and desolate place, no one could say.
+
+Cut to: Roll credits. Tracking shot of B-52 in mid-air refuel.
+Soundtrack lilts"Try a Little Tenderness."
+
+Columbia Pictures Corporation presents a Stanley Kubrick Production.
+
+Starring Peter Sellers George C. Scott
+
+Dr. Strangelove or: How I learned to stop worrying and love the bomb.
+
+Hawk Films LTD. All rights reserved.
+
+Co-starring Sterling Hayden Keenan Wynn Slim Pickens
+
+With Peter Bull James Earl Jones Tracy Reed Jack Creeley
+
+And Frank Berry Glen Beck Shane Rimmer Paul Tamarin Gordon Tanner
+Robert O'Neil Roy Stephens Hal Galili Laurence Herder John McCarthy
+
+Art Director Peter Murton
+
+Production Manager Clifton Brandon
+
+Assistant Director Eric Rattray
+
+Camera Operator Kelvin Pike
+
+Camera Assistant Bernard Ford
+
+Continuity Pamela Carlton
+
+Wardrobe Bridget Sellers
+
+The characters and incidents portrayed and the names used herein are
+fictitious and any similarity to the names, history, and characters of
+any person is entirely accidental and unintentional.
+
+Special Effects Wally Veevers
+
+Travelling Matte Vic Margutti
+
+Recordist Richard Bird
+
+Sound Supervisor John Cox
+
+Dubbing Mixer John Aldred
+
+Sound Editor Leslie Hodgson
+
+Assistant Editor Ray Lovejoy
+
+Assembly Editor Geoffrey Fry
+
+Make Up Stewart Freeborn
+
+Hairdresser Barbara Ritchie
+
+Artistic Advisor Capt. John Crewdson
+
+Main Title Pablo Ferro
+
+The Producers gratefully acknowledge the assistance of Solartron
+Electronics, Marconi's wireless telegraph-telephone manufacturing,
+British Oxygen.
+
+Music Laurie Johnson
+
+Director of Photography Gilbert Taylor, B.S.C.
+
+Anthony Harvey Film Editor
+
+Ken Adam Production Designer
+
+Associate Producer Victor Lyndon
+
+Screenplay by Stanley Kubrick, Terry Southern & Peter George, based on
+the book'Red Alert' by Peter George.
+
+Refueling nozzle gently breaks away from recieving aircraft.
+
+Directed and produced by Stanley Kubrick
+
+-----
+
+Cut to: Burpleson AFB, night, int, computer room. A phone buzzes.
+
+Petty officer:
+
+General Ripper, sir.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+to phone on his desk Group Captain Mandrake speaking...
+
+Ripper sits at his desk, cigar smoke wafting up through the light of
+his desk lamp.
+
+Ripper:
+
+to phone This is General Ripper speaking.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes, sir.
+
+Ripper:
+
+You recognize my voice, Mandrake?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+I do sir, why do you ask?
+
+Ripper:
+
+Why do you think I asked?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Well I don't know, sir. We spoke just a few moments ago on the phone,
+didn't we?
+
+Ripper:
+
+You don't think I'd ask if you recognized my voice unless it was
+pretty damned important do you, Mandrake?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+No, I don't, sir. No.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Alright, let's see if we stay on the ball. Has the wing confirmed
+holding at their failsafe points?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes, sir. The confirmations have all just come in.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Very well, now, listen to me carefully. The base is being put on
+condition red. I want this flashed to all sections immediately.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Condition red, sir. Yes. Jolly good idea, keeps the men on their toes.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Group Captain, I'm afraid this is not a exercise.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Not an exercise, sir?
+
+Ripper:
+
+I shouldn't tell you this, Mandrake, but you're a good officer and you
+have a right to know. It looks like we're in a shooting war.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Oh, hell. Are the Russians involved sir?
+
+Ripper:
+
+Mandrake, that's all I've been told. It just came in on the Red Phone.
+My orders are for this base to be sealed tight, and that's what I mean
+to do: seal it tight. Now, I want you to transmit plan R, R for
+Robert, to the wing. Plan R for Robert.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Is it that bad sir?
+
+Ripper:
+
+It looks like it's pretty hairy.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes sir. Plan R for Robert, sir.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Now, last, and possibly most important, I want all privately owned
+radios to be immediately impounded.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes sir. Ripper:
+
+They might be used to issue instructions to saboteurs. As I have
+previously arranged, Air Police will have lists of all owners and I
+want every single one of them collected without exception.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes sir.
+
+Ripper:
+
+And after you've done that, report back to me.
+
+LS Ripper in his office, closing the blinds on wall of windows looking
+out at the base. Outside, a siren sounds.
+
+Cut to: ext. Airborne B-52's with escorts.
+
+Wildtrack:
+
+In order to guard against surprise nuclear attack, America's Strategic
+Air Command maintains a large force of B-52 bombers airborne 24 hours
+a day. Each B-52 can deliver a nuclear bombload of 50 megatons, equal
+to 16 times the total explosive force of all the bombs and shells used
+by all the armies in World War Two. Based in America, the Airborne
+alert force is deployed from the Persian Gulf to the Arctic Ocean, but
+they have one geographical factor in common: they are all two hours
+from their targets inside Russia.
+
+Cut to: int. B-52. Machines spring to life as a transmission arrives.
+
+Goldie:
+
+Major Kong, I know you're gonna think this a crazy but I just got a
+message from base over the CRM 114. It decodes as Wing Attack plan R.
+R for Romeo.
+
+Kong:
+
+Goldie, did you say Wing Attack, plan R?
+
+Goldie:
+
+Yes Sir, I have.
+
+Kong:
+
+Goldie, how many times have I told you guys that I don't want no
+horsin' around on the airplane?
+
+Goldie:
+
+I'm not horsin' around, sir, that's how it decodes.
+
+Kong:
+
+Well I've been to one world fair a picnic and a rodeo and that's the
+stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones. You sure
+you got today's code?
+
+Goldie:
+
+Yes sir, it is.
+
+Kong:
+
+Ah, there's just gotta be something wrong. Wait just a second, I'm
+comin' back.
+
+Kong examines the decoded message and the code book.
+
+Kong:
+
+Maybe you better get a confirmation from base.
+
+Goldie:
+
+Yes sir.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Major Kong, is it possible that this is some kind of loyalty test. You
+know, give the go code and then recall to see who would actually go?
+
+Kong:
+
+Ain't nobody ever got the go code yet. And old Ripper wouldn't be
+giving us plan R unless them Russkies had already clobbered Washington
+and alot of other towns with a sneak attack.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Yes sir.
+
+Goldie:
+
+Major Kong, message from base confirmed.
+
+Kong:
+
+Well boys, I reckon this is it: nuclear combat, toe to toe with the
+Russkies.
+
+Kong climbs back into the cockpit. Soundtrack: Battle Hymn of the
+Republic.
+
+Kong:
+
+Now look boys, I ain't much of a hand at makin' speeches. But I got a
+pretty fair idea that something doggoned important's going on back
+there. And I got a fair idea of the kind of personal emotions that
+some of you fella's may be thinking. Heck, I reckon you wouldn't even
+be human beings if you didn't have some pretty strong personal
+feelings about nuclear combat. But I want you to remember one thing,
+the folks back home is a countin' on ya, and by golly we ain't about
+to let'em down. Tell you somethin' else. This thing turns out to be
+half as important is I figure it just might be, I'd say that you're
+all in line for some important promotions and personal citations when
+this thing's over with. That goes for every last one of you,
+regardless of your race, color, or your creed. Now, let's get this
+thing on the hump. We got some flying to do.
+
+Cut to: int. General Turgidson's studio. Phone rings.
+
+Miss Scott:
+
+Shouting Buck, should I get it?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Muffled, OF Yeah. You have to.
+
+Miss Scott:
+
+to phone Hello? Oh, yes, General Turgidson is here, but I'm afraid he
+can't come to the phone at the moment.
+
+Well, this is his secretary, Miss Scott.
+
+softly Freddie, how are you? Fine and you? Oh, we were just catching
+up on some of the General's paperwork. Well, look Freddie, he's very
+tied up at the moment. I'm afraid he can't come to the phone. Well,
+just a minute. shouts to Tuirgidson, OF General Turgidson, a General
+Puntridge calling.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Tell him to call back.
+
+Miss Scott:
+
+to phone Freddie, the General says could you call back in a minute or
+two? Oh. shouting He says it can't wait.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Ah, for Pete... well... Find out what he wants.
+
+Miss Scott:
+
+Freddie, the thing is, the General is in the powder room right now.
+Could you tell me what it's about? Just a second...
+
+shouting Apparently they monitored a transmission about eight minutes
+ago from Burpleson Air Force Base.
+
+to phone Right.
+
+shouting It was directed to the 843'rd bomb wing on airborne alert. to
+phone Yeah.
+
+shouting It decoded as Wing Attack, Plan R.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Um ah, tell him to call uh what's his name. Base commander. Ripper. I
+have to think of everything?
+
+Miss Scott:
+
+to phone The General suggests you call General Ripper, the 843rd base
+commander. Oh.
+
+shouting All communications are dead.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Bull! Tell him to do it himself.
+
+Miss Scott:
+
+Freddie, the General asks if you could possibly try again yourself.
+
+I see.
+
+shouting He says he's tried personally several times, but everything
+is dead. Even the normal phone lines are shut down.
+
+Turgidson emerges from the bathroom, grumbling.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+to phone Fred. Buck. What's it look like? Yeah. Waa... are you sure
+it's plan R? Huh. What's cookin' on the threat board.? Nothin? Nothin
+at all? I don't like the look of this, Fred. Alright, I tell you what
+you better do, old buddy. slaps his belly You better give Elmo and
+Charlie a blast, and bump everything up to condition red and stand by
+the blower, I'll get back to you. hangs up
+
+Miss Scott:
+
+What's up?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Nothing. Nothing. Where's my shorts?
+
+Miss Scott:
+
+On the floor. Where are you going?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+No place. No... no place... I just thought I might mosey over to the
+War room for a few minutes. See what's doing over there.
+
+Miss Scott:
+
+It's three o'clock in the morning.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+laughs The Air Force never sleeps.
+
+Miss Scott:
+
+Buck, honey... I'm not sleepy either.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+I know how it is, baby. Tell you what you do. You just start your
+countdown, and old Bucky'll be back here before you can say... Blast
+Off!
+
+Cut to: ext. Burpleson AFB. Night. Ripper's voice booms over the PA.
+Ready soldiers stand listening.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Your commie has no regard for human life, not even his own. And for
+this reason, men, I want to impress upon you the need for extreme
+watchfulness. The enemy may come individually, or he may come in
+strength. He may even come in the uniform of our own troops. But
+however he comes we must stop him. We must not allow him to gain
+entrance to this base. Now, I am going to give you three simple rules.
+First, trust no one, whatever his uniform or rank, unless he is known
+to you personally. Second, anyone or anything that approaches within
+200 yards of the perimeter is to be fired upon. Third, if in doubt,
+shoot first, and ask questions afterwards. I would sooner accept a few
+casualties through accident than lose the entire base and its
+personnel through carelessness. Any variation on these rules must come
+from me personally. Now, men, in conclusion, I would like to say that,
+in the two years it has been my privilege to be your commanding
+officer, I have always expected the best from you, and you have never
+given me anything less than that.
+
+Cut to: int. Burpleson AFB, omputer room. Mandrake, who has been
+closing up shop while listening to Ripper's speech, discovers a radio
+inside a line printer and switches it on. Soft jazz is playing.
+
+Ripper:
+
+cont Today, the nation is counting on us. We are not going to let them
+down. Good luck to you all.
+
+Cut to: int. Airborne B-52. Soundtrack: Battle Hymn of the Republic.
+
+Airman:
+
+to Kong Here's the attack profile, sir.
+
+Kong:
+
+announcing through headset intercom This is your attack profile: to
+insure that the enemy cannot monitor voice transmission or plant false
+transmission, the CRM114 is to be switched into all the receiver
+circuits. Emergency phase code prefix is to be set on the dials of the
+CRM. This'll block any transmission other than those preceded by code
+prefix. Stand by to set code prefix.
+
+Goldie:
+
+Roger. Ready to set code prefix.
+
+Kong:
+
+Set code prefix.
+
+Goldie:
+
+dials up letters: OPE Code prefix set.
+
+Kong:
+
+Lock code prefix.
+
+Goldie:
+
+Code prefix locked.
+
+Kong:
+
+Switch all receiver circuits to CRM discriminators.
+
+Goldie:
+
+All circuits switched to CRM discriminators.
+
+Kong:
+
+Check auto destruct circuits.
+
+Goldie:
+
+Auto destruct circuits checked.
+
+Kong:
+
+Primary target, the ICBM complex at Laputa. Target reference Yankee
+Golf Tango Three Six Zero. Thirty megaton nuclear device fused for
+airburst at ten thousand feet. Twenty megaton nuclear device will be
+used if first malfunctions. Otherwise proceed to secondary target,
+missile complex seven miles east of Barshaw. Target reference November
+Bravo X-Ray One Zero Eight. Fused airburst at ten, check, twelve
+thousand feet.
+
+Cut to: int. Burpleson AFB. Mandrake walks hurredly through the halls
+with the portable radio producing another jazz tune, now upbeat.
+Mandrake enters Ripper's office
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Excuse me sir, something rather interesting's just cropped up. Listen
+to that. Music. Civilian broadcasting. I think those fellows in the
+Pentagon have given us some sort of exercise to test our readiness.
+Personally, I think it's taking it a bit too far; our fellows will be
+inside Russian radar cover in about twenty minutes. You listen to
+that. Traffic block full of stations all churning it out.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Mandrake,
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes sir?
+
+Ripper:
+
+I thought I issued instructions for all radios on this base to be
+impounded.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+follows Ripper as he rises from his chair to lock his office door Well
+you did indeed sir and I was in the process of impounding this very
+one when I happened to switch it on. I thought to myself our fellows
+hitting Russian radar cover in twenty minutes, dropping all their
+stuff, I'd better tell you, because if they do, it'll cause a bit of a
+stink, won't it?
+
+Ripper:
+
+Group Captain, the officer exchange program does not give you any
+special prerogatives to question my orders.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Well I realize that sir, but I thought you'd be rather pleased to hear
+the news. I mean after all, well let's face it we... we don't want to
+start a nuclear war unless we really have to, do we?
+
+Ripper:
+
+Please sit down. And turn that thing off.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes sir. Ah, what about the planes, sir? Surely you must issue the
+recall code immediately.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Group Captain, the planes are not going to be recalled. My attack
+orders have been issued and the orders stand.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Well, if you'll excuse me saying so, sir. That would be, to my way of
+thinking, rather... well rather an odd way of looking at it. You see,
+if a Russian attack was in progress we would certainly not be hearing
+civilian broadcasting.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Are you certain of that, Mandrake?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+I'm absolutely positive about that, sir, yes.
+
+Ripper:
+
+And what if it is true?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Well I'm afraid I'm still not with you, sir. Because, I mean, if a
+Russian attack was not in progress then your use of plan R, in fact
+your orders to the entire wing... oh. Well I would say, sir, that
+there was something dreadfully wrong somewhere.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Now, why don't you just take it easy Group Captain. And please make me
+a drink of grain alcohol and rain water, and help yourself to whatever
+you'd like.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+salutes General Ripper, sir, as an officer in Her Majesty's Air Force,
+it is my clear duty, under the present circumstances, to issue the
+recall code, upon my own authority, and bring back the wing. If you'll
+excuse me sir. Mandrake tries all exits and finds them locked I'm
+afraid sir, I must ask you for the key and the recall code. Have you
+got them handy sir?
+
+Ripper:
+
+I told you to take it easy, Group Captain. There's nothing anybody can
+do about this thing now. I'm the only person who knows the three
+letter code group.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+voice cracking Then I must insist, sir, that you give them to me.
+
+Ripper:
+
+lifts a folder off of his desk and tosses it aside, revealing a blued,
+pearl handled.45 automatic.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Do I take it, sir, that you are threatening a brother officer with a
+gun?
+
+Ripper:
+
+Mandrake, I suppose it never occurred to you that while we're chatting
+here so enjoyably, a decision is being made by the President and the
+Joint Chiefs in the war room at the Pentagon. And when they realize
+there is no possibility of recalling the wing, there will be only one
+course of action open: total committment.
+
+Mandrake, do you recall what Clemenzo once said about war?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+No. I don't think I do sir, no.
+
+Ripper:
+
+He said war was to important to be left to the Generals. When he said
+that, fifty years ago, he might have been right. But today, war is too
+important to be left to politicians. They have neither the time, the
+training, nor the inclination for strategic thought. I can no longer
+sit back and allow Communist infiltration, Communist indoctrination,
+communist subversion, and the international Communist conspiracy to
+sap and impurify all of our precious bodily fluids.
+
+Cut to: int. War room, Pentagon.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Sam, is everybody here?
+
+Stains:
+
+Mr. President, the Secretary of State is in Vietnam, the Secretary of
+Defense is in Laos, and the Vice President is in Mexico City. We can
+establish contact with them at any time if it's necessary. The
+undersecretaries are all here, of course.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Right. Now, General Turgidson, what's going on here?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Mr. President, about thirty-five minutes ago, General Jack Ripper, the
+commanding General of Burpleson Air Force Base, issued an order to the
+34 B-52's of his wing which were airborne at the time as part of a
+special exercise we were holding called Operation Dropkick. Now, it
+appears that the order called for the planes to attack their targets
+inside Russia. The planes are fully armed with nuclear weapons with an
+average load of 40 megatons each. Now the central display of Russia
+will indicate the position of the planes. The triangles are their
+primary targets, the squares are their secondary targets. The aircraft
+will begin penetrating Russian radar cover within 25 minutes.
+
+Muffley:
+
+General Turgidson, I find this very difficult to understand. I was
+under the impression that I was the only one in authority to order the
+use of nuclear weapons.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+That's right sir. You are the only person authorized to do so. And
+although I hate to judge before all the facts are in, it's beginning
+to look like General Ripper exceeded his authority.
+
+Muffley:
+
+It certainly does. Far beyond the point I would have imagined
+possible.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Well perhaps you're forgetting the provisions of plan R, sir.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Plan R?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Plan R is an emergency war plan in which a lower echelon commander may
+order nuclear retaliation after a sneak attack if the normal chain of
+command is disrupted. You approved it, sir. You must remember. Surely
+you must recall, sir, when Senator Buford made that big hassle about
+our deterrent lacking credibility. The idea was for plan R to be a
+sort of retaliatory safeguard.
+
+Muffley:
+
+A safeguard.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+I admit the human element seems to have failed us here. But the idea
+was to discourage the Russkies from any hope that they could knock out
+Washington, and yourself, sir, as part of a general sneak attack, and
+escape retaliation because of lack of proper command and control.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Well I assume then, that the planes will return automatically once
+they reach their failsafe points.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Well, sir, I'm afraid not. You see the planes were holding at their
+failsafe points when the go code was issued. Now, once they fly beyond
+failsafe they do not require a second order to proceed. They will fly
+until they reach their targets.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Then why haven't you radioed the planes countermanding the go code?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Well, I'm afraid we're unable to communicate with any of the aircraft.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Why?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+As you may recall, sir, one of the provisions of plan R provides that
+once the go code is received the normal SSB radios in the aircraft are
+switched into a special coded device, which I believe is designated as
+CRM114. Now, in order to prevent the enemy from issuing fake or
+confusing orders, CRM114 is designed not to receive at all, unless the
+message is preceded by the correct three letter code group prefix.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Then do you mean to tell me, General Turgidson, that you will be
+unable to recall the aircraft?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+That's about the size of it. However, we are plowing through every
+possible three letter combination of the code. But since there are
+seventeen thousand permutations it's going to take us about two and a
+half days to transmit them all.
+
+Muffley:
+
+How soon did you say the planes would penetrate Russian radar cover?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+About eighteen minutes from now, sir.
+
+Mu Muffley:
+
+Are you in contact with General Ripper?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Ah.. No sir, no, General Ripper sealed off the base and cut off all
+communications.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Where did you get all this information?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+General Ripper called Strategic Air Command headquarters shortly after
+he issued the go code. I have a partial transcript of that
+conversation if you'd like me to read it.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Read it.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+The duty officer asked General Ripper to confirm the fact the he had
+issued the go code and he said,"Yes gentlemen, they are on their way
+in and no one can bring them back. For the sake of our country and our
+way of life, I suggest you get the rest of SAC in after them,
+otherwise we will be totally destroyed by red retaliation. My boys
+will give you the best kind of start, fourteen hundred megatons worth,
+and you sure as hell won't stop them now. So let's get going. There's
+no other choice. God willing, we will prevail in peace and freedom
+from fear and in true health through the purity and essence of our
+natural fluids. God bless you all." Then he hung up. We're still
+trying to figure out the meaning of that last phrase, sir.
+
+Muffley:
+
+There's nothing to figure out General Turgidson. This man is obviously
+a psychotic.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Well, I'd like to hold off judgment on a thing like that, sir, until
+all the facts are in.
+
+Muffley:
+
+anger rising General Turgidson, when you instituted the human
+reliability tests, you assured me there was no possibility of such a
+thing ever occurring.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Well I don't think it's quite fair to condemn a whole program because
+of a single slip up sir.
+
+Muffley:
+
+I want to speak to General Ripper on the telephone, personally.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+I'm afraid that's impossible, sir.
+
+Muffley:
+
+General Turgidson, I am becoming less and less interested in your
+estimates of what is possible and impossible. General Faceman.
+
+Faceman:
+
+Yes, sir.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Are there any army units stationed anywhere near Burpleson?
+
+Faceman:
+
+Well ah, I'll just check, sir.
+
+Turgidson's phone beeps
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Hello. pause, then whispering I told you never to call me here; don't
+you know where I am? pause Well look, baby, I can't talk to you now.
+My president needs me. Of course Bucky would rather be there with you.
+pause Of course it isn't only physical. I deeply respect you as a
+human being. Someday I'm going to make you Mrs. Buck Turgidson. pause
+Listen, you go back to sleep. Bucky'll be back there just as soon as
+he can. Alright. Listen, sug', don't forget to say your prayers. hangs
+up and composes himself
+
+Faceman:
+
+Apparently, the 23rd airborne division is stationed seven miles away
+at Alvarado.
+
+Muffley:
+
+General Faceman, I want them to enter the base, locate General Ripper,
+and put him in immediate telephone contact with me.
+
+Faceman:
+
+Yes, sir.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Mr. President, if I may advise, under condition red it is standard
+procedure that the base be sealed off, and the base be defended by
+base security troops. Any force trying to enter there would certainly
+encounter very heavy casualties.
+
+Faceman:
+
+General Turgidson, with all due respect for your defense team, my boys
+can brush'em aside without too much trouble.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Mr. President, there are one or two points I'd like to make, if I may.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Go ahead, General.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+One, our hopes for recalling the 843rd bomb wing are quickly being
+reduced to a very low order of probability. Two, in less than fifteen
+minutes from now the Russkies will be making radar contact with the
+planes. Three, when the do, they are going to go absolutely ape, and
+they're gonna strike back with everything they've got. Four, if prior
+to this time, we have done nothing further to suppress their
+retaliatory capabilities, we will suffer virtual annihilation. Now,
+five, if on the other hand, we were to immediately launch an all out
+and coordinated attack on all their airfields and missile bases we'd
+stand a damn good chance of catching'em with their pants down. Hell,
+we got a five to one missile superiority as it is. We could easily
+assign three missiles to every target, and still have a very effective
+reserve force for any other contingency. Now, six, an unofficial study
+which we undertook of this eventuality, indicated that we would
+destroy ninety percent of their nuclear capabilities. We would
+therefore prevail, and suffer only modest and acceptable civilian
+casualties from their remaining force which would be badly damaged and
+uncoordinated.
+
+Muffley:
+
+General, it is the avowed policy of our country never to strike first
+with nuclear weapons.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Well, Mr. President, I would say that General Ripper has already
+invalidated that policy. laughs
+
+Muffley:
+
+That was not an act of national policy and there are still
+alternatives left open to us.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Mr. President, we are rapidly approaching a moment of truth both for
+ourselves as human beings and for the life of our nation. Now, the
+truth is not always a pleasant thing, but it is necessary now make a
+choice, to choose between two admittedly regrettable, but
+nevertheless, distinguishable post-war environments: one where you got
+twenty million people killed, and the other where you got a hundred
+and fifty million people killed.
+
+Muffley:
+
+You're talking about mass murder, General, not war.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Mr. President, I'm not saying we wouldn't get our hair mussed. But I
+do say... no more than ten to twenty million killed, tops. Uh...
+depended on the breaks.
+
+Muffley:
+
+I will not go down in history as the greatest mass murderer since
+Adolph Hitler!
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned
+with the American people, than with your image in the history books.
+
+Muffley:
+
+General Turgidson, I think I've heard quite sufficient from you, thank
+you very much!
+
+Stains:
+
+Mr. President, they have the ambassador waiting upstairs.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Oh, good. Any difficulty?
+
+Stains:
+
+They say he's having a fit about that squad of MPs.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Yes, that can't be helped. Have him brought down here straight away.
+
+Stains:
+
+Yes, sir.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Is that the Russian Ambassador you're talking about?
+
+Muffley:
+
+Yes, it is, General.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Ahh, am I to understand the Russian Ambassador is to be admitted
+entrance to the War Room?
+
+Muffley:
+
+That is correct. He is here on my orders.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+I... I don't know exactly how to put this, sir, but are you aware of
+what a serious breach of security that would be? I mean... begins
+closing his notebooks he'll see everything. He'll see the big board!
+
+Muffley:
+
+That is precisely the idea, General. That is precisely the idea.
+Stains, get Premier Kissov on the Hotline.
+
+Cut to: int. Airborne B-52
+
+Kong:
+
+Survival Kit contents check. In them you will find: one 45 caliber
+automatic, two boxes of ammunition, four days concentrated emergency
+rations, one drug issue containing antibiotics, morphine, vitamin
+pills, pep pills, sleeping pills, tranquilizer pills, one miniature
+combination Rooshan phrase book and Bible, one hundred dollars in
+rubles, one hundred dollars in gold, nine packs of chewing gum, one
+issue of prophylactics, three lipsticks, three pair of nylon stockings
+-- shoot, a fellah could have a pretty good weekend in Vegas with all
+that stuff....
+
+Cut to: int. War Room
+
+DeSadeski enters in a great coat, finishes the contents of a drinking
+glass, and places the glass on a banquet table covered with an ornate
+array of meats, breads, and pies.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+You don't have any fresh fish?
+
+Aide:
+
+I'm afraid not sir.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+Your eggs, then, they are fresh?
+
+Aide:
+
+Oh, yes, sir.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+I will have poached eggs. And bring me some cigars, please. Havana
+cigars.
+
+Aide:
+
+That will be all for you sir?
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+Yes.
+
+Aide:
+
+Then I'll see to it right away.
+
+General:
+
+Try one of these Jamaican cigars, ambassador, they're pretty good.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+Thank you, no. I do not support the work of imperialist stooges.
+
+General:
+
+Oh, only commie stooges, huh?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+whispers, clutching his notebooks to his chest Mr. President, you
+gonna let that lousy commie punk vomit all over us like this?
+
+Stains:
+
+Mr. President, we haven't been able to reach Premier Kissov in the
+Kremlin. They say they don't know where he is, and he won't be back
+for another two hours.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+Try B86543 Moscow.
+
+Stains:
+
+Yes sir.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+You would never have found him through his office, Mr. President. Our
+Premier is a man of the people, but he is also... a man, if you follow
+my meaning.
+
+Muffley:
+
+laughs Fine.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+mutters to a seated General
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+What did you say?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+I said, Premier Kissov is a degenerate atheist commie! That's what I
+said.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+Mr. President, I formally request that you have this ignorant fool
+removed from the war room.
+
+DeSadeski, Muffley, and Turgidson form triangular spat, each waving a
+pointed finger at another.
+
+Stains:
+
+interrupts argument I think they're trying the number.
+
+Track on Muffley as he walks towards Stains. OF: a struggle begins
+between DeSadeski and Turgidson.
+
+Muffley:
+
+to Turgidson, and DeSadeski who is on Turgidson's lap Gentlemen, you
+can't fight in here. This is the War Room! What is going on here? I
+demand an explanation.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+This clumsy fool tried to plant that ridiculous camera on me.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Yeah, you bet your sweets, Mr. Commie. Look at this, Mr. President.
+This lousy commie rat was taking pictures with this thing. Of the big
+board!
+
+Muffley:
+
+Mr. Ambassador!
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+This clumsy fool attempted to plant that ridiculous camera on me.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+That's a damn lie! I saw him, with my own eyes!
+
+Muffley:
+
+Gentlemen, this is outrageous. I have never heard of such behavior in
+the war room before.
+
+Stains:
+
+Mr. President, I think they're getting him on the line.
+
+Cut to: ext. Burpleson AFB. The attack begins.
+
+Soldier-1:
+
+You sure gotta hand it to those commies.
+
+Soldier-2:
+
+Yeah.
+
+Soldier-3:
+
+Gee, those trucks look like the real thing, don't they?
+
+Soldier-2:
+
+I wonder where they got'em from.
+
+Soldier-3:
+
+Probably bought them from the army as war surplus.
+
+Soldier-1:
+
+Ok. Open up at 200 yards.
+
+firefight begins
+
+Cut to: int. Ripper's office. Ripper and Mandrake listen to the
+fighting in silence.
+
+Cut to: int. War Room.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Tell him where you are, and that you'll enter the conversation if I
+say anything that's untrue, but please don't tell him anything more
+than that. Alexiy, Alexiy, please... I beg you.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+I don't have a phone.
+
+Muffley:
+
+snaps fingers Give him your phone, Frank.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+Govorit DeSadeski. continues in Russian, then... I've done as you
+asked. Be careful Mr. President. I think he's drunk.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Hello? Hello, Dimitri? Listen, I can't hear too well, do you suppose
+you could turn the music down just a little? Oh, that's much better.
+Yes. Fine, I can hear you now, Dimitri. Clear and plain and coming
+through fine. I'm coming through fine too, eh? Good, then. Well then
+as you say we're both coming through fine. Good. Well it's good that
+you're fine and I'm fine. I agree with you. It's great to be fine.
+laughs Now then Dimitri. You know how we've always talked about the
+possibility of something going wrong with the bomb. The bomb, Dimitri.
+The hydrogen bomb. Well now what happened is, one of our base
+commanders, he had a sort of, well he went a little funny in the head.
+You know. Just a little... funny. And uh, he went and did a silly
+thing. Well, I'll tell you what he did, he ordered his planes... to
+attack your country. Well let me finish, Dimitri. Let me finish,
+Dimitri. Well, listen, how do you think I feel about it? Can you
+imagine how I feel about it, Dimitri? Why do you think I'm calling
+you? Just to say hello? Of course I like to speak to you. Of course I
+like to say hello. Not now, but any time, Dimitri. I'm just calling up
+to tell you something terrible has happened. It's a friendly call. Of
+course it's a friendly call. Listen, if it wasn't friendly,... you
+probably wouldn't have even got it. They will not reach their targets
+for at least another hour. I am... I am positive, Dimitri. Listen,
+I've been all over this with your ambassador. It is not a trick. Well
+I'll tell you. We'd like to give your air staff a complete run down on
+the targets, the flight plans, and the defensive systems of the
+planes. Yes! I mean, if we're unable to recall the planes, then I'd
+say that, uh, well, we're just going to have to help you destroy them,
+Dimitri. I know they're our boys. Alright, well, listen... who should
+we call? Who should we call, Dimitri? The people...? Sorry, you faded
+away there. The People's Central Air Defense Headquarters. Where is
+that, Dimitri? In Omsk. Right. Yes. Oh, you'll call them first, will
+you? Uh huh. Listen, do you happen to have the phone number on you,
+Dimitri? What? I see, just ask for Omsk Information. I'm sorry too,
+Dimitri. I'm very sorry. Alright! You're sorrier than I am! But I am
+sorry as well. I am as sorry as you are, Dimitri. Don't say that you
+are more sorry than I am, because I am capable of being just as sorry
+as you are. So we're both sorry, alright? Alright. Yes he's right
+here. Yes, he wants to talk to you. Just a second.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+Continues in Russian. Gradually becomes alarmed, then... Das
+voydaniya... Rests phone on the table before him.
+
+Muffley:
+
+What... what is it, what?
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+The fools... the mad fools.
+
+Muffley:
+
+What's happened?
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+The doomsday machine.
+
+Muffley:
+
+The doomsday machine? What is that?
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+A device which will destroy all human and animal life on earth.
+
+Muffley:
+
+All human and animal life?
+
+Cut to: int. Ripper's office. Mandrake is sitting worriedly on a
+couch. Ripper puts a comforting arm around his shoulder.
+
+Ripper:
+
+through his cigar Mandrake,
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes, Jack?
+
+Ripper:
+
+Have you ever seen a commie drink a glass of water?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Well, no I... I can't say I have, Jack.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Vodka. That's what they drink, isn't it? Never water?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Well I... I believe that's what they drink, Jack. Yes.
+
+Ripper:
+
+On no account will a commie ever drink water, and not without good
+reason.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Oh, ah, yes. I don't quite.. see what you're getting at, Jack.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Water. That's what I'm getting at. Water. Mandrake, water is the
+source of all life. Seven tenths of this earth's surface is water.
+Why, you realize that.. seventy percent of you is water.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Uhhh God...
+
+Ripper:
+
+And as human beings, you and I need fresh, pure water to replenish our
+precious bodily fluids.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes. chuckles nervously
+
+Ripper:
+
+You beginning to understand?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes. chuckles. begins laughing/crying quietly
+
+Ripper:
+
+Mandrake. Mandrake, have you never wondered why I drink only distilled
+water, or rain water, and only pure grain alcohol?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Well it did occur to me, Jack, yes.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Have you ever heard of a thing called fluoridation? Fluoridation of
+water?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Ah, yes, I have heard of that, Jack. Yes.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Well do you now what it is?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+No. No, I don't know what it is. No.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Do you realize that fluoridation is the most monstrously conceived and
+dangerous communist plot we have ever had to face?
+
+Window in the office is shot through by automatic weapons fire.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Walks to window and shouts Two can play at this game soldier!
+
+more rounds ricochet through the office, cutting down the overhead
+desk lamp.
+
+Ripper:
+
+That's nice shooting, soldier! Ripper produces a machine gun from a
+golf bag in his closet. He turns off the lights, then sweeps his desk
+clear with the gun barrel, placing the gun squarely on the desk.
+Mandrake! Come here!
+
+Mandrake:
+
+You calling me, Jack?
+
+Ripper:
+
+Just come over here and help me with this belt.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+prone on couch I ah, I haven't had very much experience, you know,
+with those... sort of machines, Jack. I only ever pressed a button in
+my old Spitfire.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Mandrake, in the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress come
+here and feed me this belt, boy!
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Jack, I'd love to come. But, what's happened, you see, is the string
+in my leg's gone.
+
+Ripper:
+
+The what?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+The string. I never told you, but, you see, I've got a gammy leg. Oh
+dear. Gone. Shot off.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Karate-chops the receiver, cycling the action. Mandrake, come over
+here. The Red Coats are coming. Come on!
+
+Cut to: int. War Room
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+When it is detonated, it will produce enough lethal radioactive
+fallout so that within ten months, the surface of the earth will be as
+dead as the moon!
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Ah, come on DeSadeski, that's ridiculous. Our studies show that even
+the worst fallout is down to a safe level after two weeks.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+You've obviously never heard of cobalt thorium G.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+No, what about it?
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+Cobalt thorium G has a radioactive halflife of ninety three years. If
+you take, say, fifty H-bombs in the hundred megaton range and jacket
+them with cobalt thorium G, when they are exploded they will produce a
+doomsday shroud. A lethal cloud of radioactivity which will encircle
+the earth for ninety three years!
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Ah, what a load of commie bull. I mean, afterall...
+
+Muffley:
+
+I'm afraid I don't understand something, Alexiy. Is the Premier
+threatening to explode this if our planes carry out their attack?
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+No sir. It is not a thing a sane man would do. The doomsday machine is
+designed to to trigger itself automatically.
+
+Muffley:
+
+But surely you can disarm it somehow.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+No. It is designed to explode if any attempt is ever made to untrigger
+it.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Automatically?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Ahh.. it's an obvious commie trick, Mr. President. walks backwards
+towards the big board We're wasting valuable time. falls over
+backwards and does a somersault, and brings himself back onto his feet
+Look at the big board! They're getting ready to clobber us!
+
+Muffley:
+
+But this is absolute madness, ambassador. Why should you build such a
+thing?
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+There are those of us who fought against it, but in the end we could
+not keep up with the expense involved in the arms race, the space
+race, and the peace race. And at the same time our people grumbled for
+more nylons and washing machines. Our doomsday scheme cost us just a
+small fraction of what we'd been spending on defense in a single year.
+But the deciding factor was when we learned that your country was
+working along similar lines, and we were afraid of a doomsday gap.
+
+Muffley:
+
+This is preposterous. I've never approved of anything like that.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+Our source was the New York Times.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Dr. Strangelove, do we have anything like that in the works?
+
+Stains and Turgidson, who have been listening to Muffley and DeSadeski
+Stains' station at the round table, slowly turn their heads in search
+of Strangelove.
+
+Strangelove:
+
+in wheelchair A moment please, Mr. President. stomps one foot on the
+tile floor, pushes back from the table and begins wheeling towards the
+discussion between Muffley and DeSadeski. Under the authority granted
+me as director of weapons research and development, I commissioned
+last year a study of this project by the Bland corporation. Based on
+the findings of the report, my conclusion was that this idea was not a
+practical deterrent, for reasons which, at this moment, must be all
+too obvious.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Then you mean it is possible for them to have built such a thing?
+
+Strangelove:
+
+carefully plucks cigarette from his shaking right hand, which is in a
+black glove Mr. President, the technology required is easily within
+the means of even the smallest nuclear power. It requires only the
+will to do so.
+
+Muffley:
+
+But, how is it possible for this thing to be triggered automatically,
+and at the same time impossible to untrigger?
+
+Strangelove:
+
+Mr. President, it is not only possible, it is essential. That is the
+whole idea of this machine, you know. Deterrence is the art of
+producing in the mind of the enemy... the fear to attack. And so,
+because of the automated and irrevocable decision making process which
+rules out human meddling, the doomsday machine is terrifying. It's
+simple to understand. And completely credible, and convincing.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Gee, I wish we had one of them doomsday machines, Stainsy.
+
+Muffley:
+
+But this is fantastic, Strangelove. How can it be triggered
+automatically?
+
+Strangelove:
+
+Well, it's remarkably simple to do that. When you merely wish to bury
+bombs, there is no limit to the size. After that they are connected to
+a gigantic complex of computers. Now then, a specific and clearly
+defined set of circumstances, under which the bombs are to be
+exploded, is programmed into a tape memory bank.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Strangelove. What kind of a name is that? That ain't no kraut name, is
+it, Stainsy?
+
+Stains:
+
+He changed it when he became a citizen. It used to be
+Merkwurkdigliebe.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Hmm. A kraut, by any other name, huh, Stainsy?
+
+Strangelove:
+
+Yes, but the... whole point of the doomsday machine... is lost... if
+you keep it a secret! Why didn't you tell the world, eh?
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. As you know,
+the Premier loves surprises.
+
+Cut to: ext. Burpleson AFB. Firefight continues.
+
+Cut to: int. Ripper's office. Bullets cut down picture frames behind
+the desk. Ripper, standing, shoots back at unseen machinegunner.
+Mandrake is now crouching by his side.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Stay with me Mandrake. Ripper and Mandrake crawl to one side of desk.
+Alright, Mandrake, now feed me. Feed me.
+
+Ripper stands and exchanges fire with attacking troops. Enemy fire
+subsides.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+laughs Jack, don't you think we'd be better off in some other part of
+the room, away from all this flying glass?
+
+Ripper:
+
+Ah, naah. We're ok here. Mandrake, do you realize that in addition to
+fluoridated water, why, there are studies underway to fluoridate salt,
+flour, fruit juices, soup, sugar, milk, ice cream? Ice cream,
+Mandrake. Children's ice cream?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Good Lord.
+
+Ripper:
+
+You know when fluoridation first began?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+No. No, I don't, Jack. No.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Nineteen hundred and forty six. Nineteen fortysix, Mandrake. How does
+that coincide with your postwar commie conspiracy, huh? It's
+incredibly obvious, isn't it? A foreign substance is introduced into
+our precious bodily fluids without the knowledge of the individual,
+and certainly without any choice. That's the way your hard core commie
+works.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Jack... Jack, listen, tell me, ah... when did you first become, well,
+develop this theory.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Well, I ah, I I first became aware of it, Mandrake, during the
+physical act of love.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+sighs fearfully
+
+Ripper:
+
+Yes a profound sense of fatigue, a feeling of emptiness followed.
+Luckily I was able to interpret these feelings correctly: loss of
+essence.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes...
+
+Ri Ripper:
+
+I can assure you it has not recurred, Mandrake. Women... women sense
+my power, and they seek the life essence. I do not avoid women,
+Mandrake, but I do deny them my essence.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Heh heh... yes.
+
+Cut to: ext. Burpleson AFB. Firefight settles into a surrender of
+Ripper's defending troops.
+
+Cut to: int. Ripper's office.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Boys must have surrendered.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+It's the way it is. Heh heh. Now Jack, listen. While there's still
+time, I beg you, let's recall the wing.
+
+Ripper:
+
+struts over to an available chair, using machinegun as a walking
+stick, kicking debris en route. sits. Those boys were like my
+children, Mandrake. Now they let me down.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+No no, Jack. Not a bit of it. No, I'm sure they all gave you their
+very best. And I'm equally sure they all died thinking of you, every
+man jack of them, heh, Jack. Supposing a bit of water has gone off,
+eh? And certainly one can never be too sure about those sort of
+things. Would you look at me now. Do I look all rancid and clotted?
+You look at me, Jack, eh? Look, eh? And I drink a lot of water, you
+know. I'm what you might call a water man, Jack. That's what I am. And
+I can swear to you, my boy, swear to you, that there's nothing wrong
+with my bodily fluids. Not a thing, Jackie.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Mandrake, were you ever a prisoner of war?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Well, Jack, the time's running...very... huh?
+
+Ripper:
+
+Were you ever a prisoner of war?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Ah yes I was. Matter of fact, Jack, I was.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Did they torture you?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Ah... yes, they did. I was tortured by the Japanese, Jack, if you must
+know. Not a pretty story.
+
+Ripper:
+
+Well what happened?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Oh... well... I don't know, Jack. Difficult to think of under these
+conditions. But, well, what happened was they got me on the old
+Rangoon HNRR railway. I was laying train mines for the bloody Japanese
+puff puffs.
+
+Ripper:
+
+No, I mean when they tortured you, did you talk?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Ah, oh no, I ah... I don't think they wanted me to talk, really. I
+don't think they wanted me to say anything. It was just their way of
+having... a bit of fun, the swines. Strange thing is they make such
+bloody good cameras.
+
+Ripper:
+
+You know those clowns outside are gonna give me a pretty good going
+over in a few minutes. For the code.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes. does a double take Yes, well you may have... you may have quite a
+point there, Jack.
+
+Ripper:
+
+I don't know how well I could stand up under torture.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Well of course the answer to that is, boy, no one ever does. And my
+advice to you, Jack, is to give me the code now. And if those devils
+come back and try any rough stuff, we'll fight them together, boy,
+like we did just now, on the floor, eh? You with the old gun, and me
+with the belt and the ammo, feeding you, Jack! Feed me, you said, and
+I was feeding you, Jack. pats Ripper on the shoulder
+
+Ripper:
+
+No, Mandrake. I happen to believe in a life after this one, and I know
+I'll have to answer for what I've done. And I think I can.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes, well of course you can, Jack, of course you can. You can! I'm a
+religious man, myself, you know, Jack. I believe in all that sort of
+thing, and... I'm hoping, you know, Jack, rises to follow Ripper, who
+is walking despondently about the room, dragging the 50 cal. which he
+lets fall. You dropped your gun, Jack, yes... picks up the machine gun
+and carries it you know what I'm Ripper begins removing his jacket
+here, no, Jack. Let me take that for you. I'll take that for you,
+Jack. takes Ripper's jacket and drapes it over the gun. And, ah, you
+know what I'm hoping, Jack? I'm hoping you're going to give me the
+code, boy. That's what I'm hoping. And, ah... Ripper enters the
+washroom. oh, you're going have a little wash and brush up, are you?
+What a good idea. Always did wonders for a man, that, Jack. A little
+wash and brush up. Water on the back of the neck, and... makes you
+feel marvelous. That's what we need, Jack! Water on the back of the
+neck and the code. Now,... now supposing I play a little guessing game
+with you, Jack, boy. Ripper shuts washroom door. I'll try and guess...
+I'll try and guess what the code is, a gun shot rings out from within
+the washroom. Mandrake gapes at the closed door, drops the machine
+gun, and pushes on the door, which is blocked after opening a few
+inches.
+
+Cut to: int. Airborne B-52
+
+Copilot:
+
+Copilot to navigator, I'm ready with the fuel figures now. We have one
+hundred and nine thousand total, seventy nine thousand in the mains,
+and thirty thousand in the auxiliaries. And that works out to roughly
+seven hours fifteen minutes endurance for this time.
+
+DSO:
+
+DSO to Captain, I have an unidentified radar blip. Distance: 60 miles.
+Approximate speed: mach three. Looks like a missile tracking us!
+Confirmed, definite missile track. Commence evasive action right.
+
+Missile still closing range; distance: 50 miles. Continue evasive
+action.
+
+Copilot:
+
+OF Lock ECM to target intercept mode.
+
+DSO:
+
+ECM locked to target intercept mode. Missile still tracking and
+closing distance. Range: 40 miles. Continue evasive action.
+
+Electronic guidance scrambler to blue grid. Missile still tracking
+steady and closing distance. Range: 30 miles.
+
+Missile still closing true and steady. Continue evasive action.
+
+Range: 20 miles. Missile still closing distance... and tracking
+steady.
+
+Copilot:
+
+Evac range gate on maximum scan.
+
+DSO:
+
+Range gate on maximum scan.
+
+Range: 10 miles. Missile track deflecting. Continue evasive action.
+Deflection increasing; range: 8 miles. Deflection still increasing;
+range: 6 miles. Missile still deflecting; range: 4 miles.
+
+Range: 2 miles; missile still deflecting. Range: one mile; missile
+detonated! Distorted voices audible through headset intercom. Kong is
+jolted as shock wave hits the plane. Crew scrambles to attend to
+fires, regain control of aircraft.
+
+Kong:
+
+Spot lever to cutoff...
+
+reselect to central power...
+
+Extinguishers...
+
+Transfer switches... boost pumps up.
+
+Fuel valves three four and six.
+
+Give me full power.
+
+Aircraft returns to straight and level; under control.
+
+Cut to: int. Burpleson AFB, Ripper's office. Mandrake examines a
+notepad on Ripper's desk. It is covered with doodles and an
+interlocking pattern of the words Peace On Earth, and Purity Of
+Essence.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Peace on Earth. Peace on Earth. Peace on Earth: P O E. Purity of
+essence. O P O E. whispers O P E.
+
+shots ring out as the doorlock is destroyed, and the door to the
+office opens. Enter Bat Guano, brandishing an M-1 carbine.
+
+Guano:
+
+Put your hands over your head.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+What the devil do you think you're doing, shooting your way in here?
+Who are you?
+
+Guano:
+
+I said, put your hands over your head. What kind of suit you call
+that, fellah?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+What do you mean, suit? This happens to be an R. A. F. uniform, sir.
+And I am Group Captain Lionel Mandrake. I am General Ripper's
+Executive Officer.
+
+Guano:
+
+Where's General Ripper?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+He's dead, in the bathroom.
+
+Guano:
+
+Where's the bathroom?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Next to you.
+
+Guano:
+
+Peers around bathroom door and whistles in exclamation.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Look, I don't know what sort of stupid game this is you're playing,
+but I've got a very good idea what the recall code is and I have to
+get in touch with SAC headquarters immediately.
+
+Guano:
+
+I said put your hands over your head and keep'em there. Got any
+witnesses?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Witnesses? What are you talking about, witnesses? He shot himself!
+
+Guano:
+
+While he was shaving, huh?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Now look, Colonel... Bat Guano, if that really is your name, may I
+tell you that I have a very, very good idea, I think, I hope, I pray,
+what the recall code is. It's some sort of recurrent theme he kept
+repeating. It's a variation on Peace on Earth or Purity of Essence. E
+O P. O P E. It's one of those!
+
+Guano:
+
+Put your hands up on top of your head. Start walking.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Don't you know that General Ripper went as mad as a bloody march hare
+and sent the while wing to attack the Soviets? Don't you know that?
+
+Guano:
+
+What are you talking about?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+I'll tell you what I'm talking about. I'm going to pick up this red
+telephone which is connected to SAC. And I hope... blast. Blast! Shot
+away, I expect by one of your men during this ridiculous fighting!
+picks up another phone Right. glances down to discover this phone has
+no cord at all.
+
+Guano:
+
+Alright, Charlie, I been wasting too much time on you. I got a lot of
+wounded men outside. Start walking.
+
+Cut to: int. B-52. Goldie is examining the damage to the radios.
+
+Goldie:
+
+All the radio gear is out, including the CRM-114. I think the
+auto-destruct mechanism got hit and blew itself up.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+The fire is out. Emergency power is on. Everything seems to check out
+alright. Will advise.
+
+Kong:
+
+Roger. Navigator...
+
+Nav.
+
+I've worked out our rate of fuel loss at approximately one six two per
+minute. This gives us a radius of action sufficient to take out
+primary and secondary targets. But we will not, repeat, not be able to
+make it back to any base or neutral country. However we would have
+enough fuel to ditch at weather ship tango delta: grid coordinates
+zero zero three six nine one.
+
+Kong:
+
+Now, boys, we got three engines out; we got more holes in us than a
+horse trader's mule, the radio's gone and we're leaking fuel, and if
+we's flying any lower, why, we'd need sleigh bells on this thing. But
+we got one little budge on them russkies, at this this height, why,
+they might harpoon us but they dang sure ain't gonna spot us on no
+radar screen.
+
+Cut to: int. Burpleson AFB. Hallway.
+
+Guano:
+
+marching Mandrake out of Ripper's office at gunpoint The other way.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Where are you taking me?
+
+Guano:
+
+The main gate.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Colonel! Colonel, I must know what you think has been going on here!
+
+Guano:
+
+You wanna know what I think?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Yes.
+
+Guano:
+
+I think you're some kind of deviated prevert. And I think General
+Ripper found out about your preversion, and that you were organizing
+some kind of mutiny of preverts. Now, move! Mandrake replaces hands on
+head and begins walking. On top of that I don't know anything about
+any planes attacking Russia. All I was told to do was get General
+Ripper on the phone to the President of the United States.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Now just one second. You just said... the President.
+
+Guano:
+
+What about the President?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Now, the president wants to speak to General Ripper, doesn't he? Now,
+General Ripper is dead, is he not? I am General Ripper's executive
+officer, so the president will bloody well want to speak to me, won't
+he? There's a telephone box over there, and the line may be open.
+
+Guano:
+
+You want to talk to the president of the United States?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+I don't want to talk to him, Colonel, I've got to talk to him. And I
+can assure you, if you don't put that gun away and stop this stupid
+nonsense, the court of inquiry on this'll give you such a pranging,
+you'll be lucky if you end up wearing the uniform of a bloody toilet
+attendant!
+
+Guano:
+
+Ok. Go ahead. Try and get the president of the United States on the
+phone. Mandrake enters phone booth and closes the door. Guano pushes
+it back open. If you try any preversions in there I'll blow your head
+off.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+places coins in the slot and dials Operator? This is Group Captain
+Lionel Mandrake, I'm speaking from Burpleson Air Force Base. Look,
+something very urgent has come up and I want you to place an emergency
+person to person call with President Merkin Muffley in the Pentagon,
+Washington D.C. Aaaa... Burpleson3-9180. No, I'm perfectly serious,
+operator, the President, yes the President of the United States. I'm
+sorry, I haven't got enough change. Um, could you... could you make
+this a collect call, operator? Mandrake waits on the call to be placed
+while Guano looks on. Just one second, operator. to Guano They won't
+accept the call. Have you got fifty-five cents?
+
+Guano:
+
+Well, you don't think I'd go into combat with loose change in my
+pocket, do you?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+Operator, look, ah... is it possible to make this an ordinary...
+ordinary trunk call? Well, what do you call it... you know, ah... raps
+on phone box with knuckles oh, ah... station to station. counts change
+in his palm Oh, blast. Still twenty cents short. Operator, hold on
+one... ah... I shan't keep you a second. to Guano Colonel, that
+Coca-Cola machine, I want you to shoot the lock off it. There may be
+some change in there.
+
+Guano:
+
+That's private property.
+
+Mandrake:
+
+exasperated Colonel, can you possibly imagine what is going to happen
+to you, your frame, outlook, way of life and everything, when they
+learn that you have obstructed a telephone call to the President of
+the United States? Can you imagine? Shoot it off! Shoot! With the gun!
+That's what the bullets are for, you twit!
+
+Guano:
+
+Ok. I'm gonna get your money for you. But if you don't get the
+President of the Unites States on that phone, you know what's going to
+happen to you?
+
+Mandrake:
+
+What?
+
+Guano:
+
+You're going to have to answer to the Coca-Cola Company. Turns to the
+Coke machine and fires into it. Change spills from the coin return
+slot. As Guano bends to collect it, coke streams from a bullet hole
+and showers his face.
+
+Cut to: int. War Room
+
+Voice on PA
+
+This is SAC communications control. The recall code, OPE, is being
+acknowledged roger by elements of the 843 bomb wing. Cheering starts
+among men in the War Room. These are the details: missions 12, 22, 30,
+and 38 are reported destroyed by enemy action. All other missions have
+acknowledged recall code. This is SAC communications control, over and
+out.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Whistles loudly Gentlemen, gentlemen. War room falls silent. Ah,
+gentlemen, Mr. President, I'm not a sentimentalist at all, by nature,
+but I think I know what's in every heart in this room. I think we
+ought to all just bow our heads and give a short prayer of thanks for
+our deliverance.
+
+Lord, we have heard the wings of the angel of death fluttering over
+our heads from the valley of fear. You have seen fit to deliver us
+from the forces of evil...
+
+Stains:
+
+Excuse me sir, Premier Kissov's calling again and he's hopping mad.
+
+Cut to: int. Airborne B-52
+
+Goldie:
+
+Fuel flow in active engines and leakage has increased. Now works out
+at two zero five. Estimate remaining fuel at eight seven nine zero.
+
+Navigator:
+
+Roger. Confirm two zero five per minute and remaining fuel eight seven
+nine zero.
+
+Cut to: int. War Room
+
+Muffley:
+
+to phone No. No, Dimitri, there must be some mistake. No, I'm certain
+of that. I'm perfectly certain of that, Dimitri. Just a second. puts
+down phone You know what he says? He says that one of the planes
+hasn't turned back. He says according to information forwarded by our
+air staff, it's headed for the missile complex at Lapuda.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Whah... Laughs in wheezing incredulity That's impossible, Mr.
+President. I mean, look at the big board! Thirty-four planes, thirty
+recalls acknowledged, and four splashes, and one of them was targeted
+for Lapuda!
+
+Muffley:
+
+to phone Dimitri? Look, we've got an acknowledgement from every plane
+except the four you've shot down. Oh. Oh. He says... Hang on a second,
+Dimitri. covers phone He says their air staff now only claims three
+aircraft confirmed. The fourth may only be damaged.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Mr. President, I'm beginning to smell a big fat commie rat. I mean,
+supposing Kissov is lying about that fourth plane, just looking for an
+excuse to clobber us. I mean, if the spaghetti hits the fan, now we're
+really in trouble.
+
+Muffley:
+
+to phone Dimitri, look, if this report is true and the plane manages
+to bomb the target, is it... is this going to full.. is this going to
+set off the doomsday machine? Are you sure? Well, I.. I guess you're
+just going to have to get that plane, Dimitri! Dimitri, I'm sorry
+they're jamming your radar and flying so low, but they're trained to
+do it. You know, it's it's initiative! Look, Dimitri, you know exactly
+where they're going and I'm sure your entire air defense can stop a
+single plane. Listen, I mean, it's not going to help either one of us
+if a if the if the doomsday machine goes off, now is it? Dom...
+Dimitri there's no point in you getting you hysterical at a moment
+like this! Dimitri! Keep your feet on the ground when you're talking,
+Dimitri. I... I am not I am not getting... no, Dimitri. I... I just am
+worried, that's all. Look, now if our air staff say it's primary
+target is Lapuda and it's secondary target it Bordkov, I mean it's
+it's true, Dimitri! You gotta believe it. Turgidson nods affirmative
+Look, can I gi... Dimitri, can I give you just one word... can I give
+you just one word of advice, Dimitri? Listen, Dimitri, put everything
+you've got into those two sectors and you can't miss.
+
+Cut to: int. Airborne B-52
+
+Navigator:
+
+Sir, if we continue to lose fuel at the present rate, I estimate we
+only have thirty-eight minutes flying time which will not even take us
+as far as the primary.
+
+Kong:
+
+Dog gonnit, Sweets, you told me that you'd get me to the primary!
+
+Navigator:
+
+I'm sorry, Sir. That estimate was based on the original loss rate
+factor, not at two zero five.
+
+Ko Kong:
+
+I don't give a hoot in hell how you do it, you just get me to the
+primary, you hear?
+
+Navigator:
+
+I'm sorry Sir, but those are the figures. We'll be luck to reach
+weather ship at tango delta.
+
+Kong:
+
+Well... shoot. We ain't come this far just to dump this thing in the
+drink. What's the nearest target opportunity?
+
+Navigator:
+
+Sir, if the rate of loss does not increase, we have a chance to reach
+target three eight four, grid coordinate zero zero three six nine one,
+and possibly make it from there to the tango delta weather ship.
+
+Kong:
+
+What kind of a target is that, anyhow?
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Sir, that's the ICBM complex at Kodlosk.
+
+Kong:
+
+Alright. Designating new target three eight four. Give me a rough
+heading on that just as soon as you can get it worked out, will you?
+
+Cut to: int. War Room
+
+Muffley:
+
+to phone Well, we'll keep our fingers crossed, Dimitri, and remember,
+there's just one thing, we are all in this together. We're right
+behind you, Dimitri. We're with you all the way. Yes. Well, we'll keep
+the line open. Alright Dimitri. rests phone on the table General
+Turgidson, is there really a chance for that plane to get through?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Mr. President, if I may speak freely, the Russkie talks big, but
+frankly, we think he's short of know how. I mean, you just can't
+expect a bunch of ignorant peons to understand a machine like some of
+our boys. And that's not meant as an insult, Mr. Ambassador, I mean,
+you take your average Russkie, we all know how much guts he's got.
+Hell, lookit look at all them them Nazis killed off and they still
+wouldn't quit.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Can't you stick to the point, General?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Well, I'm sorry. Ah... If the pilot's good, see. I mean, if he's
+really... sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low spreads his arms
+like wings., laughs you oughtta see it sometime, it's a sight. A big
+plane, like a'52, vroom! There's jet exhaust, flyin' chickens in the
+barnyard!
+
+Muffley:
+
+Yeah, but has he got a chance?
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Has he got a chance? Hell Ye... ye... covers mouth in solemn
+realization
+
+Cut to: int. Airborne B-52
+
+Navigator:
+
+Navigator to Captain, approaching target. Distance, one zero miles.
+Switch from green grid to target orange.
+
+Kong:
+
+Roger. Ready for final bomb run check. Take over, Ace.
+
+Copilot:
+
+Roger.
+
+DSO:
+
+DSO ready.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Bombardier ready, sir.
+
+Kong:
+
+Bomb fusing master safety on, electronics, barometrics, time and
+impact.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Bomb fusing master safeties on, electronic, barometric, time and
+impact.
+
+Kong:
+
+Fused for ground burst, delay factor yellow three.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Fused for ground burst, delay factor yellow three.
+
+Kong:
+
+Bomb fusing circuits one through four, test.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Bomb fusing circuits one through four, test. Lights on.
+
+Kong:
+
+Bomb arming test lights on, one through four.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Bomb arming test lights on, one through four.
+
+Kong:
+
+Engage primary trigger switch override.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Primary trigger switch override, engaged.
+
+Kong:
+
+Track indicators to maximum deflection.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Track indicators to maximum deflection.
+
+Kong:
+
+Detonator set to zero altitude.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Detonator set to zero altitude.
+
+Kong:
+
+Release first safety.
+
+Airman:
+
+First safety released.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+First safety.
+
+Kong:
+
+Release second safeties.
+
+Airman:
+
+Second safety released.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Second safety.
+
+Kong:
+
+Check bomb door circuits one through four.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Ah... bomb door circuits, negative function. Lights red.
+
+Kong:
+
+Switch in backup circuits.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Roger. Backup circuits switched in, still negative function.
+
+Kong:
+
+Engage emergency power.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Roger. Emergency power on. Still negative function.
+
+Kong:
+
+Operate manual override!
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Roger. Ah... still negative function. The teleflex drive cable must be
+sheared away.
+
+Kong:
+
+Fire the explosive bolts!
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Roger. Um... still negative, sir. The operating circuits are dead,
+sir.
+
+Kong:
+
+Stay on the bomb run, Ace. I'm going down below to see what I can do.
+
+Copilot:
+
+Roger.
+
+Kong:
+
+to DSO and Bombardier Stay on the bomb run boys. I'm goin' to get them
+doors open if it hare lips everybody on Bear Creek. proceeds through
+hatch to bomb bay
+
+Kong studies a sparking tangle of wires above a suspended bomb, and
+then climbs atop the it, fanning the sparks with his stetson
+
+Navigator:
+
+Target orange grid reference, checks. Target distance, eight miles.
+
+Copilot:
+
+Roger, eight miles. Telemetric guidance computer into orange grid.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Telemetric guidance computer into orange grid.
+
+Navigator:
+
+Target distance, seven miles. Correct track indicator, minus seven.
+
+Copilot:
+
+Roger. Seven miles. Set GPI acceleration factor.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+GPI diversion factor set.
+
+Navigator:
+
+Target distance, six miles.
+
+Copilot:
+
+Roger. Six miles. False ident transponder active.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+False ident transponder active.
+
+Navigator:
+
+Target distance, five miles.
+
+Copilot:
+
+Five miles. Bundling alignment factor zero mode.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Bundling alignment factor to zero mode.
+
+Navigator:
+
+Target distance, four miles.
+
+Copilot:
+
+Roger. Four miles. Auto CDC into manual teleflex link.
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Auto CDC is to manual teleflex link.
+
+Navigator:
+
+Target distance, three miles.
+
+Copilot:
+
+Roger. Three miles.
+
+Navigator:
+
+Target in sight. Where in hell is Major Kong?
+
+Kong busily works to splice two wires together. He finishes and then
+attaches an alligator clip to a patch panel above his head. The bomb
+doors open. He grabs his stetson to keep it from blowing away in the
+sudden slipstream.
+
+Kong:
+
+Aaaaaa hooooo! Aaaaaaaa hooooo! the bomb is dropped, and Kong along
+with it
+
+Bombardier:
+
+Hey, what about Major Kong?
+
+Kong:
+
+Aaaaaa hoooo! Waaaaa hooooo! Kong rides the bomb in its falling arc
+waving his hat over his head, celebrating his success in ecstatic
+rodeo style. On reaching the ground, the bomb detonates.
+
+Cut to: int. War Room
+
+Strangelove:
+
+Executes an about face from the big board to face the camera. Mr.
+President, I would not rule out the chance to preserve a nucleus of
+human specimens. It would be quite easy... heh heh... rolls forward
+into the light at the bottom of ah... some of our deeper mineshafts.
+The radioactivity would never penetrate a mine some thousands of feet
+deep. And in a matter of weeks, sufficient improvements in dwelling
+space could easily be provided.
+
+Muffley:
+
+How long would you have to stay down there?
+
+Strangelove:
+
+Well let's see now ah, searches within his lapel cobalt thorium G.
+notices circular slide rule in his gloved hand aa... nn... Radioactive
+halflife of uh,... hmm.. I would think that uh... possibly uh... one
+hundred years. On finishing his calculations, he pulls the slide rule
+roughly from his gloved hand, and returns it to within his jacket.
+
+Muffley:
+
+You mean, people could actually stay down there for a hundred years?
+
+Strangelove:
+
+It would not be difficult mein Fuhrer! Nuclear reactors could, heh...
+I'm sorry. Mr. President. Nuclear reactors could provide power almost
+indefinitely. Greenhouses could maintain plantlife. Animals could be
+bred and slaughtered. A quick survey would have to be made of all the
+available mine sites in the country. But I would guess... that ah,
+dwelling space for several hundred thousands of our people could
+easily be provided.
+
+Muffley:
+
+Well I... I would hate to have to decide.. who stays up and.. who goes
+down.
+
+Strangelove:
+
+Well, that would not be necessary Mr. President. It could easily be
+accomplished with a computer. And a computer could be set and
+programmed to accept factors from youth, health, sexual fertility,
+intelligence, and a cross section of necessary skills. Of course it
+would be absolutely vital that our top government and military men be
+included to foster and impart the required principles of leadership
+and tradition. Slams down left fist. Right arm rises in stiff Nazi
+salute. Arrrrr! Restrains right arm with left. Naturally, they would
+breed prodigiously, eh? There would be much time, and little to do.
+But ah with the proper breeding techniques and a ratio of say, ten
+females to each male, I would guess that they could then work their
+way back to the present gross national product within say, twenty
+years.
+
+Muffley:
+
+But look here doctor, wouldn't this nucleus of survivors be so grief
+stricken and anguished that they'd, well, envy the dead and not want
+to go on living?
+
+Strangelove:
+
+No sir... Right arm rolls his wheelchair backwards. Excuse me.
+Struggles with wayward right arm, ultimately subduing it with a
+beating from his left.
+
+Also when... when they go down into the mine everyone would still be
+alive. There would be no shocking memories, and the prevailing emotion
+will be one of nostalgia for those left behind, combined with a spirit
+of bold curiosity for the adventure ahead! Ahhhh! Right are reflexes
+into Nazi salute. He pulls it back into his lap and beats it again.
+Gloved hand attempts to strangle him.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Doctor, you mentioned the ration of ten women to each man. Now,
+wouldn't that necessitate the abandonment of the so called monogamous
+sexual relationship, I mean, as far as men were concerned?
+
+Strangelove:
+
+Regrettably, yes. But it is, you know, a sacrifice required for the
+future of the human race. I hasten to add that since each man will be
+required to do prodigious... service along these lines, the women will
+have to be selected for their sexual characteristics which will have
+to be of a highly stimulating nature.
+
+DeSadeski:
+
+I must confess, you have an astonishingly good idea there, Doctor.
+
+Strangelove:
+
+Thank you, sir.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+to Muffley I think we should look at this from the military point of
+view. I mean, supposing the Russkies stashes away some big bomb, see.
+When they come out in a hundred years they could take over!
+
+DeSadeski begins walking away from the crowd around Strangelove and
+the President, toward the banquet table.
+
+General:
+
+I agree, Mr. President. In fact, they might even try an immediate
+sneak attack so they could take over our mineshaft space.
+
+Turgidson:
+
+Yeah. I think it would be extremely naive of us, Mr. President, to
+imagine that these new developments are going to cause any change in
+Soviet expansionist policy. DeSadeski kneels, unseen, and begins
+photographing the big board with a secret camera within a pocket
+watch. I mean, we must be... increasingly on the alert to prevent them
+from taking over other mineshaft space, in order to breed more
+prodigiously than we do, thus, knocking us out in superior numbers
+when we emerge! Mr. President, we must not allow... a mine shaft gap!
+
+Strangelove:
+
+...sir! stands up out of his wheelchair I have a plan. Heh. pauses,
+realizing that he is standing Mein Fuhrer, I can walk!
+
+Multiple scenes of exploding bombs, dancing to the tune of"We'll Meet
+Again."
+
+THE END
projects / plan9front.git / commitdiff